The Carla Diaries -Carla Does America, Roadtrip Recap PART ONE

YOU GUYS.......I AM HOME.  By now I bet you're all pretty sick of me and this trip that I went on that was basically the best trip in the WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.  And if this is the first time you're hearing me talk about my trip then either 1, this is the first time you have ever stopped by my blog so HEY THERE, your hair looks mighty fine today! or 2, you live under a stupid rock of stupidness.  SO, I am just going to try and recall events as I remember them, which is possibly not the most accurate way of me telling this tale but well, I was having WAY too much fun to make notes and I was drinking WAY too much to ever remember fine details, so here goes!

Wednesday 18 May

5am - I wake up.  And when I say wake up, I mean I jumped out of bed like i'd just peed in there.  I was SUPER excited.  Too excited to be normal for 5am (I will regret getting up early later on in the day, I just don't know it yet).  I get ready and realise that I chose a rather fancy outfit considering i'm going to be on a flight for 8 hours, then another flight for 3 hours.  I am undaunted.  A short dress and 4" heels is the way forward!!!  

6am - Quick skype session with the West twins.  It's the first time I actually use this video thing and I rock it.  ROCK IT. They probably think I am crazy and regret ever making plans to share a hotel room in NYC.

7am -I'm on the way to the airport!!! I am FREAKING OUT LIKE WOAH.  Fast forward through the cab ride, which can only be described as unfortunate.  I get quizzed in the airport before I even check my bag in.  They take my bag and x-ray it because apparently I can't trust my best friends suitcase because she may have concealed things unknown to me.  I wonder if my life would be more interesting if my BFF was a mastermind criminal.  It certainly would involve a lot more bling.

Somtime other time I'm unsure of - I'M IN CHICAGO.  IT'S ALL VERY EXCITING.  I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO OR WHAT I AM DOING BECAUSE ALL I CAN THINK IS THAT I'M IN AMERICA.  The joy is cut short by customs, who also treat me like a mastermind criminal.  I begin to wonder if I fit the profile for a criminal, because I don't know a lot of criminals that get excited over books and glittery nail varnish.  After an embarrsing conversation with the people at the airport, of which included winks and playful suggestions, I get on a shuttle thing to the correct terminal.  It does not escape my notice that I am the only person I have seen so far in heels and a dress.  People stare.  I blame the accent even though I hardly speak to anyone.

Unknown time - I am on my way to TEXAS!!!! wahooooo, the lady sat next to me is super nice and chatty.  She tells me repeatedly how cute I am but never understands a single word I say to her.  She tells me all these facts about Texas, so much so that I feel like i've already been there and i've not evern landed.  LADY is ruining my flight with her incessant talking, I tell myself that if she doesnt tell me i'm cute again i'll just ignore her.  She does so I don't.  TOUCH DOWN.  I meet Jennifer and Kelsey and they have a big pink fluffy sign with my name on.

Another unknown time - I have a freak out in the car because i'm SAT IN THE DRIVING SEAT Y'ALL.  Except, there is no driving wheel because that's on the other side of the car where Jennifer is sat.  I am amazed that cars still run when they are back to front.  We drive to Chuy's to meet Steph for some good food and good banter.  The drive goes like this.  OMG TACO BELL.  AHHHHHHH.  TRAILER PARKS. OMG!!! YOU JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT. 

8pm - So we are all sat ready to eat.  The waiter does not understand my accent.  The barman looked at me funny when he saw my ID which is of course, British.  Steph got a bottle of beer that had salt down the neck of it, I was DISGUSTED, because you lick the salt off the rim of the bottle.  This is a thing in America.  I KNOW.  They refill my Coke and don't even charge me for it.  And so begins my love affair with free refills.  I have Queso for the first time and I am disgusted by the bowl of melted cheese and then I eat it like there is no tomorrow.  IT IS DELICIOUS.  

9:30pm - BOOK PEOPLE LIGHT OF MY LIFE.  So so many american books.  I am in book heaven.  I have a nerdgasm right there in the YA section sat on a footstool.  It is good.

10:30pm - BED.  I have never been so happy to see a bed in my WHOLE LIFE.  I fall asleep real fast.  I LOVE AMERICA ALREADY.

Thursday 19 May

Melted cheese. MARRY ME.

We have to get up super super early to drive to Mississipi so we do.  Jennifer and Kelsey have this spicy chicken biscuit (which is not a buscuit just a savoury scone of some sort, americans are cray cray) and I'm like FRIED CHICKEN FOR BREAKFAST YOU ANIMALS.  Little do I know that under 2 weeks later all I want to eat is fried chicken.  We drive through Louisiana and end up in Mississipi.  We stop at this garage thing because I have to pee and i meet the most hickish people EVER.  I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.  Especially when I see the sign "no shirt, no shoes, no service" and also everyone in the place stares at me like I just told them I fucked their husbands.  I ENJOY IT.  I have this strawberry lemonade drink from McDonalds which is the best thing my taste buds have ever experienced.  After checking in at the hotel and experiencing five minutes of southern weather, I DECLARE LOVE for all things hot.  We go to Applebee's for dinner because I recall thats where Julie in Friday Night Lights works so I demand that we eat there.  I order chilli cheese nachos, which come in a basket.  A BASKET.  The girl who serves me tells her co-workers that i'm British and they spend my whole meal staring at me from the corner.  I mean, I don't mind people looking at me, but nachos are messy guys and I didn't want an audience.  They are worth the effort it took us to get there because we got lost like fifty bajillion times.  Note to Jennifer.  Do not trust my navigation skills in a country that drives on the wrong side of the road.  BED TIME COMES FAST.  I zonk.

Friday 20 May

AHHHH WE GET TO PICK UP THE TWINS TODAY!!! I AM EXCITED LIKE EXCITED AHHHHHH.  I spend the drive through Alabama (I insisted on sweet home alabama playing the entire time), Georgia, South Carolina either singing, or making Jennifer chat to me about crazy things.  I think we have Wendy's for dinner, because they have the best fries EVAH!! (waffle fries not included).  I experience small town America for the first time and I laugh forever and ever.  THE TOWNS ARE LIKE SMALLER THAN MY HAND.  No Starbucks.  No bookshops and most importantly NO BARS.  small town america is a barbarian way of living.  I NEED BOOZE AND BOOKS.  We get the boys, they are tall and have red hair.  I LOVE THEM IMMEDIATELY!!!!  We spend the night in Charlotte, North Carolina.  The boys are amazed by my leopard print skinny jeans which are not all the rage in america....tshirts with super high waisted belted shorts and sandals and socks are though.  WELCOME TO THE SOUTH Y'ALL.  We end up in an Irish Bar.  I KNOW!.  I have nachos again because melted cheese? duh! no explanation needed!  Some drunk guy sat next to us entertains us for the whole meal and tries to convince us to get drunk and spend all our money because the rapture is coming!!!  We let him spend all his cash on Guiness.  I have a Magners, because they are YUMMY.  We go back to the hotel after I dance on the street to some band.  SLEEP TIME.

I wanted to lick the fence, but was advised i'd get shot

Saturday 21 May

We drive to Washington D.C, which is home of BARACK OBAMA!! THE PRESIDENT!! I see the White House and some pretty botanical garden.  I see the Washington Monument and a gay wedding on the liberty steps.  I see the statue of Abraham Lincoln and some other tourist stuff I have photos of but don't particularly know what they are.  I HAVE A BLAST.  My feet hurt like a sonvoabitch, because we walk for like SEVEN HOURS OH LORD.  We eat in this cheesy diner and I have chilli cheese fries.  Because melted cheese is apparantly the only food group I am comfortable with.  We crash at the hotel but not after we go in BARNE'S AND NOBLE.  ANOTHER HUGE SHOP WITH AN EXTRA LARGE YA SECTION.  Getting serious now guys, Americans don't know how they lucked out with the YA sections and the general hugeness of their book stores.  I have seen heaven and it looks like a richly stocked YA section.  SLEEP.

Sunday 22 May

WE HEAD TO NYC.  I BEGIN TO GET EVEN MORE EXCITED.  WE GET TO NYC AND CHECK INTO OUR HOTEL.  The skyline as we apprached was sublime.  We are all hopped up and ready to go.  Me and Jennifer has the plans though, the plans that include meeting up with my favourite blogger people.  like Jamie and Anna and April and Tara and Melanie and ALL YOU OTHER GUYS.  We eat in the uber posh and uber fancy italian restaurant and I get meatballs and spaghetti and NO MELTED CHEESE! I am proud for branching out.  I do have some wine and some beers though, so i'm rather drunk.  this is only made worse by the fact that we decide to stay out and go for drinks.  We end up in this dingy bar and have these shots called Red Headed Sluts which are WOW good.  We then move on to another bar, which has 5 people in it all of which are dancing on the tables.  We decide this is the place for us obvs.  We take drunked picutres and laugh like crazy.  BUT this is not enough. OH NO.  

Anna, me and Jamie.  I LOVE THEIR FACES!

Someone (hint, me) talks about Coyote Ugly and we end up in a bar called COYOTE UGLY.  A girl in leather chaps convinces us to dance on the bar and pours shots down our mouths.  I AM SILLY DRUNK.  I AM DANCING ON A BAR IN COYOTE UGLY.  My life was then complete, so after downing my cheap beer I headed back to the hotel to recover for the TAC and BEA week of epicness.  America and the people I have met so far steal my heart.  like thieves, only they all have pretty clothes and good hair.

PARTAY

COMING NEXT.  MY BEA WEEK OF STUFF AND THE EXPLORING STUFF THAT WAS FUN.