Breaking Dawn aka The Book That Never Was*

Okay, so yesterday I was in the strangest mood all morning, I get like this when the clocks change, I feel kind of nostalgic for the hour I have lost, or the hour I have gained.  Either way, I always feel weird.  So, I decided to curl up in my pj's and have a movie marathon.  I guess you can tell from the title of this post just what movies I ended up watching.  Yes, thats right, I watched Twilight and New Moon back to back.  After a discussion with Jenny about the twilight saga, I couldn't get them out of my head, so it seemed like the best option.  Do I feel better now, has my bizzaro mood evaporated? Well yeah, it kind of has, but its been replaced by this irrational fear of Breaking Dawn the movie, because the thought of *that* book being turned into something on the big screen with sound effects is making me a little crazy.

You all know that I am a lover of the Twilight books, I read them a while back, fell in love with Edward, fell out of love with Edward, fell back in love with him and then decided he was a bit too weird.  Yes, even though he is this epically gorgeous, greek god lookalike with skin so pearly and white that it shimmers and sparkles in the sun, I am solidly on Team Jacob.  So, for someone who is a fan of the books, the franchise does piss me off a little bit.  It's getting to the point that everyone and his wife knows about the books and the films.  Oh, the days when you mentioned Jacob Black or Edward Cullen to be met with a blank stare.  Now, the stare morphs into fascination and then more likely than not, incoherant screams loud enough to burst my eardrums.  Am I glad that the books got popular, why yes I am.  Am I glad they have been made into movies, why yes I am.  Am I glad that the whole entire population has gone twilight crazy, why no, not particularly.

Yes, I do agree Robert Pattinson is cute in that i'm a bit scruffy, look at me I haven't washed my hair in six weeks but it still looks amazingly sexy kind of way.  Yes, Taylor Lautner is so hot that I just want to lick his stomach.  Yes, Kristen Stewart is kind of a kook and totally hates the media frenzy brought on by playing a plain jane, who is actually beautiful and the soul mate of an insanely beautiful vampire.  But, getting on the topic of my thoughts, are they really that insane to sign up for Breaking Dawn The Movie *cries*???? I kind of feel sorry for them, they are always caught up in some speculation, every move they make is watched with eager eyes, every slight conversation is analysed.  Did they sign on for this, or did the whole thing just get swept away in a frenzy of fanatic fans?

I am seriously praying that Breaking Dawn does not get made into a movie.  If it does I will loose all faith I have in humanity, because that is not something that should be projected onto the big screen.  I know I sound like a hater, but when even you die hard fans think about it, is it really something you want to see? Because it sure as hell is not something I would pay to see, nor watch unless I was paid ridiculous amounts of money for.

They will ruin it, they will totally destroy this phenomenom that has taken the world by storm.  No one wants to see KStew ripped apart by some mutant hybrid baby.  No one wants to see RPattz back to his crazy "I hate the world and the world hates me" character and call his wife *ack* "love" at regular intervals.  Plus, no one wants to see Taylor fall in love with a baby.  That is just wrong on all levels people, it was wrong in the book, it will be even more wrong in the movies.  Getting your freak on with a vampire, and then not caring that your covered in bruises is not something to promote to younger viewers, who prolly just go see the film to see hot boys with no shirts on.

So, tonight I am wishing on a star that if the movie does get the go ahead, the actors have the sense not to sign onto something that may well have started their careers and thrust them in the spotlight, but will surely destroy them in one epically bad and gross two hour movie (please, please summit, if you inflict this movie on the world, do not make it into a double yucky fest with two moves, one will be bad enough).  Please, KStew, do not do this to me, I seriously like you the mostest and you will just bloody ruin it with all the blood and guts and scary vampire baby stuff.  Just no, please no.  Run, run as fast as a vampire and stay the hell away from it, because it will be bad.  Bad.

* Okay, I will explain the title.  For me Breaking Dawn is the book that never was.  For me it was a poorly executed story, with ludicrous plot lines, insane character development, poor useage of chapter titles, and effectively a soul destroying end to an otherwise enjoyable series.  Hence, this is the book that never was.  I pretend this does not exist.  Bella did not have a weird baby that ate her uterous on the way out, nor was there a chapter named "The Happily Ever After" for the last chapter, because really, thats just a teeny tiny bit spoilery.